Much publicity has been made in recent years about the
dangers of overscheduling (and the resulting overstressing) of our children.
Books such as “The Over-Scheduled Child”
(2001)1 by Dr. Alvin Rosenfield, MD, child and adolescent
psychiatrist and former Head of Child Psychiatry at Stanford University; “The Pressured Child” (2005)2
by Dr. Michael Thompson, clinical psychologist; and “The Hurried Child” (2007)3 written by David Elkind, PhD,
professor of Child Development at Tufts University, all document the issues
surrounding the phenomenon of this generation of parents and their children who
have become “more frenzied than ever”4.
So much so that some areas of the
country are now offering Yoga classes and structured stress-reduction classes
for children as young as three (3) years old to help them deal with all their
stress from their crazy schedules!
If it’s bad for our children, it cannot be good for us
adults! In her book, “The Gifts of
Imperfection” (2010)5, Brene’ Brown states, “We are a nation of
exhausted and over stress adults raising over-scheduled children.” We use our
spare time to desperately search for joy and meaning in our lives. We think
accomplishments and acquisitions will bring joy and meaning, but that pursuit
could be the very thing that’s keeping us so tired and afraid to slow down”.
Many even wear their busyness like a badge of honor, you probably know someone
like this: who has-to-tell-you-everything-they-have-to-do-today-and-how-important-it-is-and-how-exhausted-they-are-and-how-late-they-have-to-work-after-all-the-important-errands-they-will-run-and-they-are-soooo-tired
and then, add a big yawn for emphasis at the end of their monologue.
I used to
work with someone like this, watching her was exhausting! Once, when I was
driving children home from a school activity, I overheard my coworker’s
daughter say to my daughter, “You’re so lucky your mom’s around. My mom is
always gone working and is always tired. I wish she was around more.” Pretty insightful and
sobering words from a 15-year-old.
Psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis, PhD reminds us, “Being
that busy and stressed out is a choice. No one is forcing you to take on all of
these responsibilities and activities. Sometimes it seems that being
overscheduled is almost a status symbol – ‘Look at all of these things I do’.” (2011)
6
So, what are we adults going to do? Are you willing to take
a challenge?
A MINDFULNESS
challenge for 30 days?
Mindfulness is defined as, ‘the awareness that emerges
through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally
to the unfolding of experience moment to moment’ (Kabat-Zinn 2003, p. 145)7.
The practice of mindfulness has been shown to markedly
decrease the incidence of major depression, decrease symptoms of anxiety and
increase overall quality of life.8
Mindfulness has also been
demonstrated to be a predictor of resiliency and hopefulness, resiliency being
defined as “‘the ability of a person to recover, rebound, bounce back, adjust
or even thrive following misfortune, change or adversity’ and resilience
describes an individual’s, ‘ability to succeed, to live and to develop in a
positive way despite the stress or adversity that would normally involve the
real possibility of a negative outcome.” 9
In fact, individuals who
practice mindfulness have “greater self-compassion…stress resilience,
psychological empowerment [and] There is evidence that personal resilience
helps buffer the negative impact of stress in intrinsically challenging
situations”. 10
CHALLENGE:
Practice mindfulness by putting
down your phone, your tablet, your laptop, your whatever, for a day and JUST
BE.
One day per week. Go for a walk. Sit outside. Read a “real” book (you know,
the old-fashioned kind with paper). Spend time with your family or friends
without technology, just for a day.
Psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis asks: “Is what you are so
stressed out about (and overscheduled with) really worth it? Is what you are
doing really contributing to your well-being? Are they helping you towards your
life goals? Do you even know what your life goals are anymore?” 6
My challenge to you is that as you go unplugged and practice
mindfulness for at least 1 day per week for 30 days, you will be able to slow
down your life enough to get into focus what really matters most to you. You
may find that what you have been focusing on is not what matters most to you
after all.
Slowing down and paying attention on purpose to the world around
you, being mindful of what you have already in your life may allow you to find
joy, meaning, and purpose and direction you have been looking for.
References:
- Rosenfeld, A. A., & Wise, N. (2001). The Over-scheduled child: avoiding the hyper-parenting trap. New York: St. Martins Griffin.
- Thompson, M., & Barker, T. (2005). The pressured child: freeing our kids from performance overdrive and helping them find success in school and life. Place of publication not identified: Ballantine Books.
- Elkind, D. (2007). The hurried child: growing up too fast too soon. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo.
- Kirchheimer, S. (2004). Overscheduled Child May Lead to a Bored Teen. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/overscheduled-child-may-lead-to-bored-teen#
- Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
- Sarkis, P. S. (2011, August 23). Overscheduled and Overextended: How to Stop. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephanie-sarkis-phd/overscheduled-americans_b_925566.html
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144-156. doi: 10.1093/clipsy/bpg016
- Chambers, R., Gullone, E., Hassed, C., Knight, W., Garvin, T., & Allen, N. (2014). Mindful Emotion Regulation Predicts Recovery in Depressed Youth. Mindfulness, 6(3), 523-534. http://doi:10.1007/s12671-014-0284-4
- Chamberlain, D., Williams, A., Stanley, D., Mellor, P., Cross, W., & Siegloff, L. (2016). Dispositional mindfulness and employment status as predictors of resilience in third year nursing students: a quantitative study. Nursing Open, 3(4), 212 – 221 [see page 212-213]. http://doi.org/10.1002/nop2.56
- Chamberlain, D., Williams, A., Stanley, D., Mellor, P., Cross, W., & Siegloff, L. (2016). Dispositional mindfulness and employment status as predictors of resilience in third year nursing students: a quantitative study. Nursing Open, 3(4), 212 – 221 [see page 213]. http://doi.org/10.1002/nop2.56
(* This is a revision of a blog post I originally published
as a MSW Intern, 10/2016)
